Campari and Hangovers

Yesterday was Easter.  I gave up booze for Lent (only cheated 4 times, to Catholics that's kind of a FAIL).  But, Easter was going to be glorious none the less.  By glorious I mean having a questionable night winding up on Jenny Bradley's couch wearing bunny ears and a peacoat.  After hopping a 71 at 7am back to the sunset and saying hi to my sister on her way to work I crashed in a giant t-shirt that read "Josephina's".  

Then decided the only thing to do was make my homemade Campari!  How to make TRUE Campari is Top Secret info guarded by the Italian government-This is Lena Fay's best guess, and it's damn close and damn good.  

You need:

1 wide mouth gallon jar with tight lid (pickle jars from Costco work great)

3 tangerines or oranges 

2 lemons or grapefruit

1 1/2 c sugar

1/2 a vanilla bean

2 1/2 bottles rose wine

1 c vodka

1/4 c rum

Chop your fruit wide and mix all that stuff together!

Shake that stuff! Don't ever think this is how I look.  Once again, hungover and in glasses.

Now remember delayed gratification is the definition of maturity.  Wait about 6 weeks. add rum then!

Things to do in the meantime? Practice your Italian flash cards that your sister's husband makes you!

How does one drink Compari one may ask?

Like this: It's called a Spritz

I like:

3/4 Prosecco

1/4 homemade Campari

Orange wedge

over ice

So today is "little" Easter. I think I can wear those ears again.  

Oh gosh, not cooking just living.

My parents are a tad on the crazy side.  I have been told drinking a "few" beers every night is normal by them.  I have been told to take Lexapro to be happy by them.  I have been told to take whatever is stronger than Vicodin by them.  And, day after day, Lena Fay says no, (well not about the beer).  And day after day, my Mom and Dad are better than your Mom and Dad. They kind of say the shit that your parents would never say.

I have some type of free-be card with these guys.  It doesn't really matter about my outrageous adventures.  Kissing a few Italians, hoping a few planes to Europe for a good time or two, or seven. It simply doesn’t matter.  The craziness in them has given me love, and my ability to cook.  My Father taught me the best red sauce of my life when I was 13 years old and you need to learn it.  It's so simple and honors its ingredients.  He taught me while drinking Scotch.  I remember the smell of Scotch and Pasta to this day.  

Ingredients:

3 clove garlic

½ red onion

1/2cup red wine

3 Tp olive oil

2 cups crushed tomatoes (or canned tomatoes)

Fresh basil, (at the end)

Here it goes:

Heat onion in oil for 10 mins or less (med heat)

Heat garlic in oil for 2 mins (med heat)

Deglaze for ½ a min. with red wine (high heat)

Add Tomatoes
drink some of the wine

Chuck in basil (at the end)

Oh, the boyfriends keep coming back for this one and this thing is Vegan.  

Salad is not for skinny girls

I live with two skinny girls and watching them eat is painful at times. The joy of food evaporates off them. I love when they get drunk and eat pasta. I love when they get drunk in general because they probably needed that. But, today I ate like them. Salad. I woke up mad and timid at the same time. Then I realized I needed a salad. Salads do good things to you. I make mine with spinach and tuna. I did not have these things so in my PJ's I went to my natural foods store. They had some great tuna. I say great because anything from Italy is great. And most likely attractive.


Lena Fay's Tuna:
Drain your tuna
3 Tablespoons Vegenaise
splash of good mustard
1/8 a finely chopped red onion
1 finely chopped celery stick
salt
pepper


I am a meat eater. Why the Veganaise? Look at the ingredients on your Mayo jar. That's some genetically modified bad stuff. And, from those days when I was a Vegan (Lent), I have learned Veganaise is amazing.
Put that stuff on a bed of spinach and you will be full and happy. And you will probably be kind of skinny, just not super skinny.

The Black Sheep Fay

Under a huge amount of goodness lies the black sheep Fay.  Out of my siblings, I do the dumb stuff.  I've skinned my knee on a high healed wobble home. I've made out with an Italian or two.  I've drank Belgian beers and professed love. My little sisters have looked at me and thought "is Lena on pills?". I go to confession.  But, when you are Irish Catholic your liver is half of your body and it's the fun half.  
But lets talk about today.  
Today I made a great pizza.  I was in a horrible mood.  The doctor told me to come back to see her because something was wrong.  She is a mean doctor and I am mad at her.  But, I must admire her contribution to my pizza.  Out of love and fear, I kneaded dough, made a perfect white sauce, and then made the best margarita pizza of my life (even though a margarita pizza has red sauce).  I channeled my darlings from Italy and thought "Why does buffalo mozzarella only live in one place? The place with attractive men. And why am I here with unattractive men and no Buffalo mozzarella".  Jezze Lena, MOVE.
If you want to make it at home and feel as cute and sad as myself:
1st make your dough, put love into it (if you are like me love is easy)
Chose your toppings (tomatoes, buffalo mozzarella and fresh basil ((after cooking the pizza add the basil)) are the recommendations)
Thats the easy part, here is what makes boyfriends and boys who do not deserve to be boyfriends keep coming back.  


The sauce:
2 tablespoons raw butter (or any butter that you like)
2 tablespoons flour
1 clove garlic
1/2 cup 1/2 and 1/2 
1/2cup or so Pecorino Romano
salt and pepper
Melt the butter, add garlic, stir, take out garlic, add flour, stir, add 1/2 and 1/2 and cheese, stir until melted. Season it. Kiss it, because thats amazing. And easy. Drink some red wine.  Put sauce on Pizza and bake at 400* for 12mins to 15mins or so with amazing toppings.  

Height and Ashbury to 42nd and Noriega

It had been a long time since I had preformed the walk of shame from the Height to the Outer Sunset.  Height street at 10am is a ghost town.  Shops have bars over their windows.  Bars have shops over their windows.  It's not a place to be.  The next 71 was on it's way so I broke change at the new Whole Foods on Height (a kind of out of place place with great water).

As the bus came, I felt mean enough to sit in the seats for the handicap and elderly.  This is because handicap and elderly are offensive terms and none of them were around.   I was thinking about the strange box of red wine Jenny Bradley and myself bought and realized I should be inspired by her and start a blog.  I was also inspired by Julia who would wake up drunk and say I have fat girl fingers.  I had fat girl fingers.

As these amazingly intellectual thoughts were running through my head, a little red head girl and what looked to be her nanny hopped on board.  The little red head girl pretended that her hand was a hat.  But, come on, it wasn't a hat, dummy. She put her hand on her head and said "look, I have a hat".  She put it on her "nanny's" head and said "look, you have a hat".  She reached to put it on my head and said "look, the mommy has a hat".  All of a sudden this little girl was not cute.  Never trust a ginger kid.  I calmed myself down realizing my mother had three babies at my age, so maybe I could be a mommy numerically.  Then I got stressed out because my mother's choices turned out badly.  Yet, cuter then most people's choices.  So I calmed down.  All together, bad little girl.  Why bring up such mischief so early? She was me a few years ago.

Then thank God someone came to distract me, the coolest, yet most annoying Chinese man got on board.  He was speaking to himself in Chinese about the problems in his life.  I could tell this because I don't speak Chinese.  Then out of his reusable grocery bag he pulled a plastic produce bag and folded it into a beautiful rectangle.  Then he pulled another and folded it with the same perfection.  Then another and another.  Then I got annoyed by amazing produce plastic bag man.  Who had the guts to go around taking the produce bags from local stores and save them?  Then I realized I was upset because he is smarter than myself.  And, I wish I was him.  His life seemed so together and perfect.  Ride the 71, fold bags, smile at black haired girls.  Perfect.  I could do that.

Shortly after leaving the amazing produce plastic bag man, I was wondering around my old haunts.  Saying hi to Mom's with babies and having no responsibilities but scoring the free bread sample at my natural foods store.  Sometimes they give me tangerines as well.

I then arrived home in time to catch the showcase (but not the showcase showdown) on the Price is Right.  Best part of the show.  Even though Bob Barker is infinitely better than Drew Carey, I was happy.  My problems in life are not problems when written down.

In honor of Jenny Bradley:
Here's one recipe you need to use if you ever give up sugar, because chocolate is too important to ever loose:

Equal parts:
coconut butter
coconut oil
raw cocoa

Add sea salt and sweetener to taste (I also add shredded coconut)
Sweeteners that work well:
Agave ( but I'm on the fence still about this one)
Maple syrup (make sure it's the real thing)

Process:
Place ingredients in a glass inside a bowl.  Boil water and place in bowl.  Stir ingredients until smooth and happy.  Place in paper cupcake cups or candy cups or anything else willing.  Put in freezer for 10mins.  Enjoy.

This is a raw chocolate recipe as well because the temp never heats the ingredients over 104* . Tell your raw friends.  Man, I must have been in San Francisco and Humboldt County too long to have randomly known that.