It had been a long time since I had preformed the walk of shame from the Height to the Outer Sunset. Height street at 10am is a ghost town. Shops have bars over their windows. Bars have shops over their windows. It's not a place to be. The next 71 was on it's way so I broke change at the new Whole Foods on Height (a kind of out of place place with great water).
As the bus came, I felt mean enough to sit in the seats for the handicap and elderly. This is because handicap and elderly are offensive terms and none of them were around. I was thinking about the strange box of red wine Jenny Bradley and myself bought and realized I should be inspired by her and start a blog. I was also inspired by Julia who would wake up drunk and say I have fat girl fingers. I had fat girl fingers.
As these amazingly intellectual thoughts were running through my head, a little red head girl and what looked to be her nanny hopped on board. The little red head girl pretended that her hand was a hat. But, come on, it wasn't a hat, dummy. She put her hand on her head and said "look, I have a hat". She put it on her "nanny's" head and said "look, you have a hat". She reached to put it on my head and said "look, the mommy has a hat". All of a sudden this little girl was not cute. Never trust a ginger kid. I calmed myself down realizing my mother had three babies at my age, so maybe I could be a mommy numerically. Then I got stressed out because my mother's choices turned out badly. Yet, cuter then most people's choices. So I calmed down. All together, bad little girl. Why bring up such mischief so early? She was me a few years ago.
Then thank God someone came to distract me, the coolest, yet most annoying Chinese man got on board. He was speaking to himself in Chinese about the problems in his life. I could tell this because I don't speak Chinese. Then out of his reusable grocery bag he pulled a plastic produce bag and folded it into a beautiful rectangle. Then he pulled another and folded it with the same perfection. Then another and another. Then I got annoyed by amazing produce plastic bag man. Who had the guts to go around taking the produce bags from local stores and save them? Then I realized I was upset because he is smarter than myself. And, I wish I was him. His life seemed so together and perfect. Ride the 71, fold bags, smile at black haired girls. Perfect. I could do that.
Shortly after leaving the amazing produce plastic bag man, I was wondering around my old haunts. Saying hi to Mom's with babies and having no responsibilities but scoring the free bread sample at my natural foods store. Sometimes they give me tangerines as well.
I then arrived home in time to catch the showcase (but not the showcase showdown) on the Price is Right. Best part of the show. Even though Bob Barker is infinitely better than Drew Carey, I was happy. My problems in life are not problems when written down.
In honor of Jenny Bradley:
Here's one recipe you need to use if you ever give up sugar, because chocolate is too important to ever loose:
Add sea salt and sweetener to taste (I also add shredded coconut)
Sweeteners that work well:
Agave ( but I'm on the fence still about this one)
Maple syrup (make sure it's the real thing)
Place ingredients in a glass inside a bowl. Boil water and place in bowl. Stir ingredients until smooth and happy. Place in paper cupcake cups or candy cups or anything else willing. Put in freezer for 10mins. Enjoy.
This is a raw chocolate recipe as well because the temp never heats the ingredients over 104* . Tell your raw friends. Man, I must have been in San Francisco and Humboldt County too long to have randomly known that.